Why Overpraising Can Hurt Your Child’s Confidence

Is Your Praise Holding Your Child Back?

To encourage our children to try something new, we often rely on praise. While praise can be helpful when a child is learning a new skill, this tendency does not always stop once the skill has been mastered. Instead, we continue to praise children for things they already know how to do.

We often hear children—now quite adept at a task like putting on their pants, a skill mastered months ago—jump up and down with joy saying, “I did it! Look at me. I did it all by myself!” Our response is usually enthusiastic: “Wow! Hooray! You did it!”

Take Julia, who is four and a half. Every morning, she confidently pulls on her pants without difficulty. Still, she looks up expectantly and announces, “I did it by myself!” Wanting to encourage her, the adults around her clap and respond, “That’s amazing, Julia! You’re such a big girl!” Though well-intended, this level of praise for a well-mastered skill subtly teaches Julia to seek external approval rather than developing a quiet, internal sense of confidence.

Now imagine the same moment handled differently. Julia finishes dressing and proudly shares, “I did it all by myself!” This time, the adult responds calmly, “You did that on your own. Your body knows what to do now.” Julia smiles and moves on with her day. There is no performance, no waiting for applause—just a steady sense of capability.

This is the difference between praise and encouragement. Praise places value on the adult’s approval and focuses on the outcome: “Good job,” “That’s amazing,” “You’re so smart.” Encouragement, on the other hand, reflects effort, growth, and competence without creating dependency on external validation. It allows children to feel capable without needing constant recognition.

Hidden Disadvantages of Overpraise

While praise is offered with the best intentions, overpraising—especially for skills a child has already mastered—can have unintended effects:

Creates reliance on external validation. Children may seek adult approval instead of trusting their own competence.

Reduces intrinsic motivation. When applause becomes the reward, the internal satisfaction of “I can do this” is diminished.

Discourages risk-taking. Children may avoid challenges if success—and praise—is not guaranteed.

Weakens resilience. Overpraised children can struggle when tasks become difficult or when recognition is absent.

Shifts focus from process to performance. Children learn that how they are seen matters more than what they are learning.

Try This Instead: Moving from Praise to Encouragement

Pause before responding. Ask yourself: Is this a new skill or a mastered one?

Describe what you see instead of evaluating it. “You pulled your pants up all by yourself.”

Acknowledge effort, not performance. “You kept trying until it felt easy.”

Normalize independence. “That’s something your body knows how to do now.”

Trust quiet confidence and let the moment pass. Trust that quiet confidence does not need celebration.

At Formative Years, we believe children thrive when they are trusted as capable learners. By shifting from overpraise to thoughtful encouragement, we support confidence that is steady, internal, and resilient—giving children the tools to trust themselves long after the applause is gone.

Take a moment today to notice how you respond to your child’s everyday achievements. Try shifting from praise to encouragement and see how it nurtures their independence, confidence, and self-trust. Share your observations or questions with us at Formative Years. We love supporting parents on this journey of raising capable and resilient children.