Why Behaviour Change Takes Time and How To Support It.
Guiding Your Child Through Behaviour Change
It’s 8:00 a.m. on a weekday.
Manjit, almost four, clings tightly to his mother’s leg as they arrive at preschool. The playroom is full of familiar toys and smiling faces, but he resists entering. Ironically, by the end of the day, his mother will have to coax him away from those same toys to go home.
Every morning follows a similar pattern. His mother lingers, gently promising she’ll leave soon, but when Manjit protests, she stays—until she can’t any longer, rushing off to work and later running late to pick up her older child. She wants this to change.
One of the most common questions I hear from parents after a coaching session is:
“How long will it take to see results?”
The answer depends on several important factors that shape how quickly a child learns to regulate their emotions and adapt to change.
The Path from Co-Regulation to Self-Regulation
When we want to change a behaviour, we must first recognize that children learn emotional regulation through us. At first, adults help regulate a child’s behaviour, and over time, the child internalizes this process—eventually managing their emotions independently.
Think of it like learning to drive.
At first, we need an instructor sitting beside us, guiding every move. Then, we drive alone but with full awareness. Eventually, the process becomes automatic—we stop at red lights without consciously thinking about it.
For Manjit, the goal is similar: to reach the point where morning goodbyes happen calmly and naturally. A simple ritual—perhaps reading a short book together, giving a kiss goodbye, and confidently walking out—can set the tone for the day. But success depends on a few key factors.
1. Consistency
Children thrive on predictability. When a parent follows the same drop-off routine every day, the child begins to understand what to expect. For Manjit’s mom, reading a book, giving a kiss, and leaving promptly should become a daily ritual. The more consistent the pattern, the quicker the transition will smooth out.
2. Temperament
Every child is different. Some adapt quickly, while others resist new routines longer. Children with strong-willed or cautious temperaments may test boundaries before settling into change. If small improvements appear over time—less clinging, quicker recovery—that’s a clear sign the strategy is working.
3. Behaviour Often Worsens Before It Improves
It’s natural for a child’s behaviour to intensify when a familiar pattern changes. Losing control of a situation can be unsettling. Manjit may cry harder the first few days as he adjusts to the new ritual. But with gentle, consistent repetition, he will begin to trust that drop-off time always ends the same way—and that his mother always returns.
4. Frequency, Intensity, and Duration of the Original Behaviour
Understanding the starting point is essential. How often does the behaviour occur? How intense is it? How long does it last?
In Manjit’s case, the separation resistance has lasted a couple of weeks, happens daily, and includes five to ten minutes of upset. These baseline details help set realistic expectations for progress and give parents a way to measure improvement over time.
To conclude: Behavioural change is not instant—it’s a gradual process built on consistency, patience, and trust. Each morning that Manjit’s mom calmly follows her goodbye ritual, she’s helping him build emotional resilience and independence.
Change takes time, but with steady guidance, it does come—and when it does, both parent and child step into the day with confidence.
Ready to help your child navigate transitions with ease? Begin with a small, consistent ritual, and watch your mornings transform. If you’d like personalized guidance, I’m here to help you create strategies tailored to your child’s temperament and your family’s routine.