Teaching Emotional Resilience: Letting Children Feel Their Feelings
Why You Shouldn’t Rush Your Child Out of Negative Emotions
Years ago—before Full Day Kindergarten began in Ontario—I was an educator in a childcare centre with a lively kindergarten program. One morning, Jess, almost six, arrived later than usual with his mother. He looked downcast, shoulders slumped, eyes avoiding mine. After helping him settle his things, his mother pulled me aside and whispered, “He didn’t want to come today. I don’t know why. Did something happen yesterday? I just don’t want him to be unhappy.”
I reassured her that nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. I also gently added that children, just like adults, experience negative emotions—and that this is not only normal but healthy. She sighed and said, “He was so sad this morning. When he’s older, he’ll learn all about emotions and how to manage them, but for now, I want him to be a child and enjoy his life.”
After she left, Jess wandered the room for a few minutes, then quietly settled into his favourite puzzles. Before long, he was chatting and playing with his friends. Later that day, I asked him why he hadn’t wanted to come. He shrugged and replied, completely matter-of-fact, “I just didn’t want to.”
That simple answer carried a powerful message.
As parents, it’s incredibly hard to see our children unhappy. We want to protect them, shield them, lift them quickly back into joy. But in our well-intentioned rush to restore happiness, we may accidentally teach them that:
Something is wrong with feeling sad, angry, or frustrated.
These emotions should be avoided or pushed away.
Happiness is the only acceptable state for a “good” childhood.
The truth is that negative emotions are part of being human. They visit all of us, often without warning or explanation. Children do not need these feelings removed—they need them acknowledged. By allowing space for sadness, reluctance, boredom, frustration, or anger, we teach them that emotions come and go, and that they can handle all of them safely.
Jess didn’t want to come that day simply because he didn’t feel like it—and that was reason enough. As he grows, he will continue to face many moments when he must do things he’d rather avoid. What matters is not eliminating those feelings but equipping him with the confidence to navigate them.
So, what can parents do in moments like this?
Validate the feeling.
Try saying, “I know you don’t feel like going today. It’s okay to feel that way.”
Hold a calm boundary.
You might follow with, “Even though you don’t feel like it, we still need to go—and I’ll be with you.”
Normalize the experience.
Let them know that everyone has days like this. It’s part of being human.
Stay present, not fixing.
Your steady presence communicates safety far more than any attempt to “make it go away.”
The Heart of It All
Children don’t learn emotional resilience by avoiding discomfort; they learn it by moving through feelings with a trusted adult beside them. When we allow our children to experience life’s full emotional palette—without rushing, rescuing, or redefining—we give them the tools to grow into grounded, self-aware adults.
Letting them feel is not taking their childhood away.
It is giving them the strength they will need for the world ahead.
If you find yourself struggling with how to support your child through big feelings—or if you’d like guidance in creating calmer, more connected routines—I’m here to help. Reaching out for support is not a sign of difficulty; it’s a sign of intention and care.
Feel free to connect with me for a conversation about what your child needs and how we can navigate these moments together