Helping Children Face Obstacles Without Taking Over

Why Hard-Working Parents Don’t Always Raise Gritty Children

One question that has always fascinated me as an educator is this: Why don’t disciplined, hard-working parents always pass those same values on to their children?

After observing many families over the years, I’ve noticed a pattern. Parents often want to remove every obstacle from their child’s path. Their intention comes from a deep place of love—they want life to be easier for their child than it was for them. Yet this very instinct can unintentionally deprive children of the chance to problem-solve, tolerate discomfort, and grow. Over time, this can quietly shape a fixed mindset, where children step back from challenges instead of stepping into them.

One story that has stayed with me is about Jacob, now a young adult in his late twenties. When he was eight, he dreamed of having a weekend paper route. He called his local newspaper repeatedly, asking for a chance. At first, he was rejected—he was simply too young. But Jacob persisted until the paper finally agreed to give him a small trial route for three months.

At the beginning, Jacob was thrilled. He eagerly delivered papers, enjoyed the independence, and loved earning his own pocket money. But as the weeks went on, the early mornings became harder. He began showing reluctance, dragging his feet, and needing frequent reminders from his mother that people were counting on him.

Soon, Jacob started asking his mother to walk the route with him. Eventually, he asked her to do it “just this once” without him—and that one time turned into the rest of the three-month route. Jacob’s mother completed the deliveries for him, day after day, even though she deeply believed in finishing what you start.

What began as a wonderful learning opportunity gradually became a missed one. Jacob had shown passion and persistence at the start—grit in its early form. But when the hard work kicked in, he stepped back. And by removing the discomfort for him, his mother unintentionally reinforced the idea that challenges can be handed off rather than worked through.

This early pattern of giving up when things felt difficult followed Jacob into adulthood. He often abandoned goals once the initial excitement faded, struggled to stay committed when tasks became challenging, and found it hard to trust his own ability to manage discomfort—patterns that quietly limited his confidence and long-term growth.

This experience could have taught Jacob that goals require effort, routine, and resilience. It could have shown him that obstacles aren’t stop signs—they’re stepping stones. Instead, it established a pattern:
If something becomes too hard, stop. Someone else will finish it.

What Could Have Been Done Differently?

Jacob’s mother could have nurtured the moment rather than rescuing it. Some gentle, supportive approaches might have included:

Helping him break the task down— “Let’s start with just today. You can do hard things one small morning at a time.”

Normalizing discomfort—teaching him that not wanting to get up early is human, but commitments matter.

Offering support without taking over—walking beside him but allowing him to carry out the task.

Reflecting together reminding him of why he wanted the route in the first place and celebrating each completed weekend.

Encouraging perseverance—explaining that part of growing up is learning to finish what we start, even when the excitement fades.

With guidance rather than replacement, Jacob might have discovered the deep pride that comes from sticking with a challenge.

The Heart of the Lesson

As parents, our instinct is to protect. But sometimes the most loving thing we can do is step back—not away—and let our children step forward. When we allow our children to face manageable challenges, we’re giving them the gift of grit, confidence, and resilience.

As you reflect on Jacob’s story, consider the moments in your own child’s life where stepping back—just a little—might open the door for growth.

Empower your child to problem-solve. Let them feel the discomfort of effort. Celebrate perseverance over perfection. Over time, these small choices nurture a mindset that says:
“I can do hard things.”

If you’d like more guidance on fostering resilience and growth mindset at home, I’d be happy to support you further.