From Tantrum to Bedtime: The power of your parenting style
Parenting Style and Your Child’s Behaviour
This week, I’d like to explore how our parenting style influences the way children behave, learn, and respond to limits.
Back in 1966, psychologist Diana Baumrind identified three main styles of parenting. While others have been added over the years, her original framework remains foundational. The three classic styles are:
Authoritative
Authoritarian
Permissive
To illustrate how these styles differ in practice, let’s look at a common scenario.
The Scenario
Ella, age four, is happily playing with her toys. Bedtime has arrived, but she isn’t ready to stop.
Authoritative Parenting (Balance of warmth and structure)
The parent kneels to Ella’s level and says calmly:
“Ella, I know you’re having fun with your toys. It’s important to get enough sleep so you’ll have energy to play tomorrow. You can choose—do you want to put your toys away now and read a bedtime story, or put them away after brushing your teeth?”
When Ella hesitates, the parent adds:
“Since you aren’t choosing, I’ll choose for you. Bedtime is bedtime.”
Why this works:
Sets a clear boundary (bedtime is non-negotiable).
Acknowledges Ella’s feelings (recognizing play is enjoyable).
Provides limited choices to encourage cooperation.
Balances warmth with firmness.
Outcome: Ella feels respected yet understands there are limits. She learns that while her feelings matter, rules are consistent.
Authoritarian Parenting (Strict, little warmth)
The parent says sharply:
“Stop playing now. It’s bedtime. Put those toys away immediately or you’ll lose them tomorrow.”
Outcome: The child obeys because of fear or pressure but feels unheard. This approach may ensure compliance in the moment, yet risks fostering resentment or resistance over time.
Permissive Parenting (Warmth without boundaries)
The parent sighs and says:
“Okay, you can play a little longer.”
Outcome: The conflict is avoided, but the boundary disappears. Ella feels powerful in the short term yet misses out on learning self-regulation and the comfort that comes with consistent structure.
The Key Difference
What sets these styles apart is the balance between warmth and boundaries.
Authoritative parenting: warmth and structure are in balance.
Authoritarian parenting: boundaries dominate, while warmth is minimal.
Permissive parenting: warmth is present, but structure is lacking.
Research consistently shows that the authoritative style—firm yet caring—best supports a child’s emotional well-being, confidence, and ability to respect limits. Children feel secure when they are both nurtured and guided. Your parenting style has a powerful impact on how your child learns to handle rules, emotions, and relationships. When love and structure go hand in hand, children flourish.
If you’d like guidance in finding the balance between warmth and boundaries in your parenting, I invite you to book a complimentary 15-minute meet and greet at formativeyears.ca. Together, we can nurture children who feel loved, respected, and confident.